


What If

by pluviafrauen



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Love, M/M, Secret Admirer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:55:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26870014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pluviafrauen/pseuds/pluviafrauen
Summary: One thing Akaashi clearly knows, Bokuto feels like home. At least that's what Akaashi had been feeling secretly. And one thing that always haunts Akaashi's mind, what if this feeling is only felt by himself?
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji & Bokuto Koutarou
Kudos: 5





	What If

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my national language and I'm not really good at it yet. I'm sorry for my bad grammar.

Akaashi looked up at the gray sky. The rain just stopped a while ago. The smell of petrichor burst into his smell.

This morning he decided to just walk to his restaurant from home. He thought at the same time for enjoying the cool morning after the rain.

His phone vibrated in his pocket. Akaashi checked it a message from Bokuto.

> _This afternoon I'm going to have lunch at your restaurant and I want you to be the waiter, okay?_

The corners of Akaashi's lips lifted. Bokuto is visiting for lunch. In fact, a few days ago they were just playing billiards. Spending the rest of the weekend together.

Akaashi was happy because he missed Bokuto. Don't blame Akaashi if he has feelings for more than the best friend they've been labeled with since high school.

Akaashi shook his head and immediately entered the restaurant when he arrived. Who could not like Bokuto? Definitely not Akaashi.

Time is not felt for Akaashi who is happy now. Moreover, he just got a message that Bokuto was heading to his place. Akaashi stared at his reflection in the mirror. He took a deep breath.

"Okay, calm yourself, Akaashi. This is just a meeting as usual," Akaashi said to himself.

After confirming his appearance for the umpteenth time, he finally got out of the toilet. Coinciding with Bokuto who just entered the restaurant.

Bokuto's eyes met Akaashi's. The man's wide grin appeared. Bokuto waved at him. "HEY, HEY, HEY, AKAASHI!"

Akaashi glared at him. The restaurant was busy and Bokuto's voice made them become a center of attention. Beat live music which is on going stopped.

"Bokuto is stupid," he hissed softly as he headed for the table they usually used.

Bokuto was already seated when Akaashi arrived at the table. "You're noisy, Bokuto."

Bokuto laughed. This is the reason why Akaashi loved the man in front of him. "You know, Akaashi? My office has a new arrival. He's a retainer from the next town. His body is very small. Even smaller than yours."

"You insulted me and him too," said Akaashi.

"I compliment him, really. He's so cute and his face like a child," explained Bokuto with a broad smile.

Akaashi muffled the bitter taste that suddenly tasted on his tongue. "O-oh, are you acquainted with him?"

"Yes! He will come here in a moment," Bokuto replied enthusiastically.

Akaashi's head nodded before turning his face away. Staring at the small stage in the restaurant.

"Um, I just ordered the food we both eat. I'll add a new portion first. Your new acquaintance can take mine first when it's finished."

Bokuto nodded. Akaashi headed for the restaurant kitchen. Found the gray-haired head chef cooking as usual.

"Osamu, just give my order to Bokuto and his friends, okay."

Osamu turned his head. "You're not eating lunch, Boss?"

Akaashi shook his head and smiled wryly. "I am still full."

He decided to come back. His eyes saw a small, orange-haired man on the chair he had sat on earlier. Bokuto is right, he's cute and they look really good together. Equally bright.

Akaashi smiled bitterly and stepped onto the stage. The band that was on break was confused. Akaashi explains he will sing one song.

The melody came back softly. Bokuto hasn't noticed Akaashi's existence yet. He was still laughing happily with the man in front of him.

" _Feeling like i'm breathing my last breath. Feeling like i'm walking my last steps._ "

Akaashi soothing voice filled the room. Draws the attention of the visitors to him.

" _I put my heart into your hands. Here's my soul to keep_."

Akaashi closed his eyes. Letting his soul dissolve in the song he delivered with a tight chest.

" _Sending out a farewell to my friends, for inner peace. Ask you to forgive me for my sins, oh would you please? I'm more than grateful for the time we spent, my spirit's at ease._ "

Akaashi's voice managed to distract all the attention of the visitors including Bokuto. After the song he sang was finished, he was applauded. But Akaashi was not happy at all, because when the song was over and the applause was still roaring, he decided to immediately step off the stage.

How could he stand it when he sang earlier Bokuto was holding another man fingers in front of him. Say Akaashi is weak, but it really hurts for him. Even though he should be used to, remembering this is not the first time Bokuto has been close and even has a relationship with someone else.

Akaashi exited the restaurant through a quiet back door. "Stupid, Akaashi. You're just his best friend, why feel all this?"

His phone vibrated again. Message from Bokuto.

> _Hey, Akaashi. I'm going back to the office with Hinata, huh. Thank you for today. Oh, and your voice is good, as always._

As always. Akaashi used to sing to Bokuto, especially when he was staying at Bokuto's house. Bokuto never forgot to ask Akaashi to do it before he went to sleep.

Bokuto will hug Akaashi and Akaashi sings while combing Bokuto's hair. Then look at Bokuto's peaceful face who is sleeping. Akaashi really missed those days.

"I'd better do it now," muttered Akaashi.

In fact, tomorrow he will move the things in his house to the new apartment. But nevertheless, better now thought Akaashi.

Arriving home, Akaashi immediately moved the items he had packed in the boxes to his car. A woman emerged from the kitchen as she brought her last item.

"Oh, you're moving out today? Good then. So there's no burden in this house anymore," the woman said sarcastically.

Akaashi smiled. "Yes, Mom. Take care of yourself at home. Don't sell Dad's inheritance as he ordered before he died."

"It's up to me to sell it or not. Why obey a dead person?"

Akaashi bit his inner cheek. Her mother had gotten worse since her father died a few years ago. Akaashi himself knew that his mother had only been eyeing his father's property so far by using himself as a tool for reasons of not separating.

Amazingly, his mother's plan worked, because 70% of his father's property was passed on to his mother. Which of course made him very happy. It's not uncommon for her mother to come home with other men since her father's death.

"Yes, whatever. I love you, Mom," he said before leaving. Leaving all painful memories in this house.

Akaashi was driving his car in chaos. Then, he remembered something. Yesterday Bokuto said he would help take care of the move. Just as he wanted to activate his cellphone, Akaashi thought of Hinata.

He took a deep breath. "At least I'll just let him know later when I get to the apartment, so there's no need to help me tomorrow."

Her new apartment is located quite a distance from his home and restaurant. Akaashi deliberately chose a quiet environment to get peace.

When he arrived and finished putting things, Akaashi lay down on the bed. He stared at the ceiling of his room.

"I'll arrange things tomorrow," muttered Akaashi.

Akaashi stared out his balcony window. The sky was dark. He decided to take a shower.

He only wore short pants when he just got out of the shower. With the towel on his head. He had not yet opened his closet to get clothes, his apartment bell was rung many times rapidly.

That person was clearly not satisfied with ringing the bell. Because he's knocking the door now ... err banging on the door.

Akaashi gave a small chuckle and walked irritably toward the door. Opened the rough door with an annoyed face. This person definitely didn't know about the attitude.

"AKAASHI!"

Akaashi was surprised and took a step back. Bokuto. With the same annoyed face as Akaashi before. Because now Akaashi only had a very confused face.

Bokuto barges inside. Ignoring Akaashi who was still confused. Akaashi closed the door before catching up with the man.

Look, Bokuto with an annoyed look is so cute. He sat on the edge of the bed. Bokuto is frowning. Akaashi smiled lightly as he took his clothes from the cupboard. He didn't say anything, just waiting for Bokuto to speak first.

"Why didn't you tell me that you're moving today? I went to your house and only found a witch woman," explained Bokuto.

"I don't want to disturb your time, especially when with Hinata, Bo. How is it going? Is it good?"

Bokuto grabbed Akaashi who was standing in front of him. Hugging Akaashi's waist tightly. Akaashi gasped but tried to be normal, so that Bokuto didn't hear his heart beat.

"I have a lot of competition, you know? Even your chef-twin likes Hinata."

"Atsumu?"

Bokuto nodded. "Yes, who else could it be if not him?"

Akaashi stroked Bokuto's hair. He didn't know whether to feel sad or happy about it. But clearly, Akaashi missed his time with Bokuto like this. Only him and Bokuto, with his feelings that are increasingly cramped up in his chest.

"I miss you," muttered Bokuto, tightening his arms again. "It's been a while since we spent time together."

Akaashi felt his face heat up. Luckily Bokuto still buried his face in his chest. Nervous, of course. Bokuto always surprises him.

"We just went out together a while ago, Bokuto."

"No. It's not something like that. I mean time just for two of us, like now. Cuddling, watching movie, or listening to you sing just for me," explained Bokuto still mumbling in his arms.

Okay, this isn't good for Akaashi's heart. He didn't even reply to Bokuto's words. Nervous. Receiving no answer, Bokuto looked up at Akaashi.

Akaashi who felt his face hot and nervous turned his face away. His hand was still on Bokuto's shoulder but stopped stroking his hair.

"Hey, Akaashi," called Bokuto irritably.

"Hm?" Akaashi is still reluctant to look Bokuto's eyes.

Bokuto took off his hug and stood up suddenly. Akaashi had to back away in surprise at the movement. Bokuto can see Akaashi's face clearly now because he is indeed taller than Akaashi. Akaashi lowered his head as Bokuto looked at him and cursed himself silently.

"Akaashi ...."

Bokuto's voice sounded sad. Automatically Akaashi immediately looked up at him.

"You don't love me anymore, do you? That's why you don't miss me either."

Akaashi shook his head quickly. "N-no, Bokuto. I ... I-I miss you too."

"You lied."

"I swear, Bo."

"Then I'll stay over today to spend time with you, okay?"

Akaashi held back from squealing in delight. Of course he will not reject it. "Yes, you can, Bo."

"Good because I've brought lays to a movie."

"Eh?" Akaashi just realized that Bokuto was carrying a grocery bag when he entered. Bokuto once told him that he liked the green color of the lays wrap, but his favorite green still fell on Akaashi's eye color.

Bokuto started choosing a film to play. Akaashi decided to sit on the head of the bed and find a comfortable place.

"What movie did you choose?" Akaashi asked when Bokuto was beside him with two big sized packs of lays. He gave one to Akaashi.

"All the Bright Places, I haven't seen them yet."

Akaashi nodded. He started eating his lays chips while focusing on the film.

It didn't feel like they had spent nearly 2 hours watching. Bokuto was still busy sobbing and clearing his nose after finishing the film. After cleaning, Akaashi returned to Bokuto's side by lying down.

"I feel sorry for Finch," said Akaashi.

Bokuto lay beside Akaashi and hugged him. Akaashi rubbed Bokuto's back trying to calm him down. "But, Violet also pity you, right Akaashi?"

"Hm."

"She has to accept everything alone. I don't want to be left like that, it hurts."

Akaashi inhales the scent of Bokuto's hair which has become his favourite things from him too. "Like it or not, in the end we will definitely be faced with two choices, namely to leave or be left, Bo."

"My chest is still feels tight, Akaashi. Sing for me, please? So I can fall asleep right away," asked Bokuto, looking up at Akaashi.

Akaashi nodded. "What song do you want?"

Bokuto smiled. "Same as three years before, unchanged. Sing till I fall asleep."

That smile rubs off on Akaashi. "Okay."

Bokuto let go of his hug and found a comfortable place. He was facing left looking at Akaashi. Bokuto's hand grabbed Akaashi's hand and put it on his cheek, making Akaashi smile shyly. What if his feelings were reciprocated? What if the other way around?

Akaashi shook his head. He rubbed Bokuto's cheek and started singing.

" _Sweet creature ... had another talk about where it's going wrong."_

Bokuto answered softly and continued with the lyrics. " _But we're still young, we don't know where we're going but we know where we belong._ "

Akaashi resumed his song. " _And oh we started two hearts in one home, it's hard when we argue, we're both stubborn, i know_."

This time Bokuto didn't continue the song. His eyes closed, letting Akaashi finish the song. Now, Akaashi just feels warm in his heart. If only this could go on forever. If only Bokuto belong to him. If only Bokuto had the same feelings like him.

Bokuto has fallen asleep, it can be seen from his regular breathing. But Akaashi still continued his song to the end. He smiled at Bokuto.

Before close his eyes, Akaashi whispering. "Nighty night, Bo, I'll always be here for you."

***

Tomorrow is Bokuto's birthday. And Akaashi just took the gift he ordered from the shop. Today is raining. He decided to sit on the bench in front of the shop to take shelter. His car is close, it's just across the street. But Akaashi wanted to enjoy the rain a little longer.

His determination was made up. Tomorrow he will tell Bokuto about all his feelings to him. Akaashi has found his courage. Do it or never.

Because in the end he realized that loving and having Bokuto's presence in his life was more than enough for him. And if his feelings is a mistake, Akaashi will still be grateful for the best mistake in his life. Akaashi didn't expect anything. He just sincerely loves Bokuto, at least later he can be a little relieved after telling him.

Akaashi entered his car as the rain died down. He drove back to his restaurant with a small gift box on his lap.

His cell phone vibrates for a long time to show an incoming call. He attached an earphone to his ear.

" _Hey, hey, hey, Akaashi!_ "

Akaashi chuckled. "Yes, Bokuto. What's wrong?"

" _Have you seen the new post on my account?_ "

"Um, not yet. I haven't chekced my cell phone." Akaashi, who is confused, immediately checks Bokuto's account.

" _Okay, I'll just tell you straight away. Today I'm officially with Hinata! He accepted me at lunch this time. Hinata looks—_ "

Akaashi's ears were ringing. The road being quiet and drizzling as if to confirm his mood now. Gloomy. He stared at his phone with blank eyes. Bokuto just posted a photo of himself with Hinata while kissed.

Akaashi know that he should have gotten used to this. Akaashi know that he had no right to ask the destiny for more than this. Akaashi know that there was no future for them. Even though he have ready his self as thoroughly as possible, it still hurts. It really hurts. His neck was choked. He started sobbing a little.

" _AKAASHI!_ "

His consciousness returned when he heard Bokuto's voice calling him loudly, along with the horn of the truck that was also speeding on the slippery road towards him. A terrible loud crash sounded in Bokuto's ears before finally the call was cut off.

One fatal mistake that Akaashi made that day. He forgot to wear his seat belt which caused him to slam hard out of the car when the truck hit him.

Akaashi could still feel the raindrops on his skin. His gaze was dark, his ears couldn't even hear the surroundings. He felt an excruciating pain in his head, overcoming the pain that was in his chest.

Slowly Akaashi felt cold and sleepy. Peace. He felt peace. All the pain that he feelt before was gone.

Before his consciousness was completely taken away. Before his whole body felt cold at all. Before all his senses died. Akaashi smiled happily.

"Bokuto," he hissed very softly.

***

It's been a week since the accident happened to Akaashi. Bokuto was still silent in his room. Hinata regularly checks his condition. Hope that Bokuto gets better soon.

Tonight, Bokuto was crying again and roaring painfully. His hand still held on to the green music box Akaashi had given him. The music box had a tone like the song Akaashi used to sing to him before bed. A gift that survived the accident, complete with a letter containing all of Akaashi's feelings for him.

He feels so tight. It was so painful until Bokuto wanted to hit his head against the wall.

Bokuto opened the music box again with teary eyes. He returned to reading the writing engraved in it.

> _For my only one sweet creature, Bokuto Koutarou._
> 
> _—Akaashi Keiji._

[]


End file.
